Creative Anxiety

Creative anxiety is sneaky: It dresses itself up and hides out. You would think at my age I'd be able to recognize it quickly, but here I am, dealing with it again.

When I get sloppy with the art-work I'm doing, and begin to turn out messy, meaningless pieces, I forget that it's anxiety at the root and not that I've lost my touch. When I begin to feel lethargic and put off doing the work of art-making, sometimes for weeks, I forget that it's anxiety at the root and not laziness, or busy-ness, or disinterest.

When I face up to my anxiety, then I can make a plan.

Creative anxiety agenda:

1. Read the Creativity Book

2. Set an intention for summer creativity

3. Do the smallest thing

4. Lifeboat drill

1. Read the Creativity Book:

A few years ago I started but didn't finish this book by Eric Maisel (one of my favorite writers). The subtitle is "A Year's Worth of Inspiration and Guidance." Who doesn't want that? 

I'm on to Week 4: Get Anxious Calmly. 

Maisel was the first writer who unraveled for me the biggest muddle of an artist's life - the paradox of the inevitable twining of anxiety and creativity. I read his book "Fearless Creating" in my middle years, and lived by it.

In this book he returns to that subject, and he says, "It turns out that creativity and anxiety travel the same road together. ... Is life nothing but suffering? No. Is there nothing but anxiety? No. But there is plenty of anxiety to go around; it's real and it matters". 

He describes many examples but the one that hits home for me is: Because I'm anxious for a split second while painting, I make a stroke that is impulsive rather than intuitive, and ruin my painting. That is the truth I live with.

2. Set an intention for summer creativity:

Summer has a different cadence, open-ended and lazy, so it's easy to forget to act on my priority for creativity. Here is my intention this summer:

I intend to work with attention and tenacity on many creative projects this summer, including my collages, my medicine art, house and garden art, and art with my grandson, because my creativity is from and of God, and is the voice of my soul. Furthermore, I intend to finish things I start, because my mission is to be a creative force for change, and my brilliant ideas won’t have any impact on the world unless I put them into form.

3. Do the smallest thing:

Eric Maisel has many suggestions for managing creative anxiety. Doing the smallest thing is a great way to make creative work less frightening. I made a list of small things I need to do for my current projects, and assigned one or two per day.

• Finish butterfly collage
• Highlight painted clouds on the ceiling
• Make butterflies with my grandson
• Collect memorabilia for new collage
• Sew kitty paws (finish kitty block)
• Type and print writing for new collage
• Paint a monotone canvas for new collage
• Draw a butterfly for mural
• Draw moose pattern
• Cut new quilt block pieces
• Decorate my Memory Box

3. Engage in a Lifeboat Drill:

This is my version of Maisel's Lifeboat Drill, which is training for deliberate calmness in the face of anxiety: 

1. 
   Set a timer for the time I have scheduled for artwork. 
2. When it goes off, feel my anxiety well up and instead of ignoring it, or rationalizing about why I don't have time, gather my wits and declare: "I know what to do in this situation".
3. Go to my studio (or wherever I need to go) immediately - do not stop to do anything else.
4. Work for a short amount of time on one of my smallest things.