An energetic shift

I'm making an energetic shift towards being an elder; I mean, someone who is a strong, calm presence, a wise-woman teacher and mentor, for my grandson, family, and community.

I've identified the two things that hold me back (the same old two things that always hold me back):

-I don't believe I'm wise or expert enough yet.

-I'm afraid people might belittle me.

I can take care of the first by studying my heart out - I'm good at that, and quite enjoy it! I can become expert in pretty much anything I set my mind to, and wisdom arrives when I take time to contemplate and analyze everything I've learned.

The second requires an energetic shift towards self-confidence. I know I'm a fierce, strong person and can handle people being petty, but the fear of embarrassment is strong in me also. I need to somehow disrupt the link between my self-esteem and the need to appear wise: It is good also to appear human!

1. Read "How to Manifest"

2. Contemplate my humanity

3. Teaching in my community

4. Teaching my grandsons

1. Read "How to Manifest":

I'm reading a book called "How to Manifest", by Laura Chung; it's a 40 day program to "Make Your Dreams a Reality". I have one big dream that I'm making slow progress on, and this book (no matter that I'm cynical) has successfully kicked me into action!

The fourth part of the book (Week 4) is about The Energetic Shift. The author explains that everything is energy; we can learn how to optimize the energy that moves our lives and motivates our actions, for the purpose of manifestation. This week is filled with techniques to make that shift. We will work on discerning when to take action, and trusting our instincts.

Day 23 - Pleasure and Creation: "...we are all creators. We create our lives through our vision, will, and action. When you do the things you are passionate about, you allow the energy to flow." She describes a Creatrix Meditation that tunes you in to the energy of your sacral chakra, the center of desire and creative flow. Ask,"What creation wants to be birthed through me?"

Day 24 - The Universal Laws: She describes 12 Hermetic Laws that are thought to be intrinsic laws of the universe. They are different ways to harness your energy and shift your reality...  basically, she says we can change our vibration frequency to match what we are trying to manifest. For example, the Law of Attraction, when we vibrate in a way that attracts what we want in our lives, and the Law of Universal Oneness, in which we vibrate with the Universal Consciousness. Or how about the Law of Perpetual Transmutation, in which you change your vibration to channel and process your emotions.

My favorite is the Law of Inspired Action, when we "engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words"; this is the vibration of Doing.

2.  Contemplate my humanity:

Public speaking is a phobia for me. I'm okay with my best friends, or with kids, but put me in front of a group of adults that I don't know well and I'm a mess of nerves. Amy Boone on the Ethos3 site says, "Public speaking continues to be one of the top fears of human beings not because we fear talking in front of other people but because we fear appearing inadequate or stupid in front of other people." 

So, my fear is tied to my ego, and wanting to appear smart. What I need is a shift towards humility, equanimity, and a self-confidence that can fend off embarrassment. I know that embarrassment is in my head, but how do I tune it out? How can I build my "anti-embarrassment muscle"?

1. Manage my expectations: Ask, What are my expectations? Are they realistic and reasonable? Do they allow me room to make mistakes? How could I reasonably adjust my expectations?
2. Throw doubt on my limiting beliefs: Ask, What belief is causing me to feel embarrassed? Is this a realistic belief to have? Where’s the evidence that disproves this belief?
3. Be prepared: The more thoroughly I prepare, the more confident and capable I will feel, and the less likely I’ll make mistakes and subsequently get embarrassed. (This works until it doesn't.)
4. Be mindful of my audience: This is the teacher super-power - I am ready for anything, paying attention to how things are going, how people are responding, and being flexible enough to change my plans at a moments notice, responsive to unexpected circumstances as they arise.
5. Review: Every time I have a public gig, I need to go back through it and analyze how I did - Was I prepared? Mindful? Did I feel embarrassed and by what? Did I find equanimity?
   How could I prepare myself to successfully and calmly handle these circumstances next time?

IQMatrix says, "Confident people don’t typically fall prey to embarrassment because they feel comfortable in their own skin. Their confidence encourages them to take risks, to step outside their comfort zone, to expand their horizons, and stretch themselves in various ways. Confidence, of course, comes through knowledge and experience. In fact, the more knowledge and experience you gain, the more confident you will feel about yourself and about your circumstances."

Self-confidence comes from making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. That's how to build my anti-embarrassment muscle.

3. Teaching in my community:

One of my missions in life is to be a creative force for change in the world, and I've done that all my life by teaching art classes. Now that I'm retired from classroom teaching, I've been finding other ways to be a teacher. 

I'm still teaching one adult painting class in my studio.

I teach occasional earth care craftivism classes, like the one on butterflies that I taught this summer. My goal with these is to share some science, and symbolism, and find concrete ways we can find unity with the earth.

And I also lead what my Quaker Meeting calls intergenerational worship - a more active Meeting for Worship, with a theme and queries, and usually a game and or project. Tomorrow I will lead an Intergenerational on "Harvesting the Fruits of the Spirit". 

I intend to be prepared, flexible, and in the flow; I intend to lead gently, with attention to the participants and their needs, and responsive to the unexpected; I intend to be grounded and find equanimity, because I am becoming an elder and leading my community towards creative change.    

4. Teaching my grandsons:

One of my Grandmother Super Powers is teaching hands-on skills with art and crafts. Grandson #1 has been drawing since he could hold a pencil, and we just keep adding skills. He started sewing at 19 months, using a square of stiff rug canvas (for latch hooking) and a tapestry needle, and started to use a sewing machine (with help) at age 2. This week we sewed a twirly skirt together on the sewing machine, and he was so excited!

Tips for art with toddlers and pre-schoolers:

1. Youngsters have a very short attention span. Be prepared for art in 5 minute increments, working on the same project over several days. I keep his art and sewing projects out where he can see them, ask once in a while if he wants to work on something, and when he says, "YES", we drop everything to follow through.

2. Get prepared; put together a project bag or box so you have all your supplies handy and easy to grab when the mood hits. For the skirt project, I found possible fabrics and elastic, so when he said he was ready, I was ready too!

I put washable tempera paints into squeeze bottles, hang a smock in the kitchen, and store other supplies nearby. I also have a drawer of markers, crayons, paint pens, chalk, and paper in the living room.

3. My painting set up is shown here: I whip out a plastic table cloth for the floor, set out the paper, and put a bottle or two of paint on the table out of reach. (The yellow stool is for me - I don't do floor sitting anymore.)

After I'm all set up I put on his smock and hand him one squeeze bottle. He is a practiced painter already, and knows exactly what to do with it.

Be ready for paint everywhere, especially hands and face.

4. After about 5-10 minutes, when interest starts to wain, it's time to cheerfully ask "All done?" and start to clean up. First I take away the paint and brush and, before he can escape into the living room with painty hands, we play in water and wash hands and face. (Clean up is part of the fun!)

5. One final tip: Build layers - bring out the same paper or other project for several sessions and add more paint, or when its dry, add crayons, pens, or paint pens (tempera paint sticks are a wonderful invention!)