A Focus on Understanding

Hummingbird waiting for my nectar on a frozen morning

I've been thinking again about my responsibility to listen a little deeper; to pay attention to body language and ask questions to clarify; to really understand what's being communicated, when the other person may not be as direct or as skilled as I would expect - really, to stop expecting, because that is always trouble!

Agenda:

1. Read "Perspective":
2. Ongo journal
3. Love cycle

1. Read "Perspective":

Today I am reading this book by Meridith Elliot Powell, subtitled Reignite, Reinvent, Reframe (2025). This is the work I am dedicating myself to this year.

I'm on Chapter four, Present Tense, which is about focus and priorities, which are my super-powers. I'm good at this! Focus gives me an edge, as a leader and as a writer; it sharpens my vision and my execution. I am able to be clear, effective, and act with intention.

 And when I also know what my priorities are, that focus gives me decisiveness. "Most people think they have a discipline problem when, in fact, what they really have is a decision problem. They haven't clearly defined what matters most, so they try to do it all -- and end up diluted, scattered, and overwhelmed."

This chapter has a lot of good information, but the key take-away is a reminder to put my priorities on to my calendar!

2. Ongo journal:

I'm going back through this book by Catherine Madden and Jesse Weiss Chu (2022), focussing on the solo practices. I'm into Week 5, and Day 3 is Daily Miracles. It's about remembering to pay attention to the gifts given us each day - of life, gravity, the earth to walk on, and all the beauty of the universe.

The practice is to keep track of these miracles and make a list of 10 of them today.

3. Love cycle:

Years ago I wrote this month-long meditation on love, with a daily reading and work. Day 8 is Seek First to Understand.

I know that communication is two-sided, and that I should seek to understand, but like most people, I mostly seek to get my own point across. I sometimes hear only parts of a conversation because I am busy listening to my own mind to prepare my reply. I analyze based on my own experiences, and I decide what the other person means based on scanty information. I might then be judgmental, or give advice, or reply, "I felt the same way… I had that same thing happen to me."

Empathic listening is another alternative; it involves rephrasing the content of what I hear, and also reflecting the feeling behind the words. I need to use empathetic listening whenever the talk seems emotional, and only offer advice when the talk seems logical.

Empathetic listening takes courage because I become vulnerable; that’s the paradox: In order to teach or influence people I need to open myself first to being influenced by them.

“The key is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual, to listen with empathy, to let the person get to the problem and the solution at his own pace and time. Layer upon layer—it’s like peeling an onion until you get to the soft inner core. When people are really hurting and you really listen with a pure desire to understand, you’ll be amazed how fast they will open up.” --Stephen Covey

Inner Work: Review p. 239-255 in 7 Habits (Empathetic Listening). This week, keep a Talk Journal of conversations that did or didn’t go well, and attempt to analyze the feelings of the other person based on what I know, what I heard, and the body language I observed.

Love in Action: This week, make LISTEN my mantra. Practice deep empathetic listening. When I notice that I’m not listening well, say “I’m sorry- I wasn’t really listening- can we start again?”