The Slavic holiday Babinden (bah-bean-den) happens each year on January 21. Baba means "grandmother", and the in is possessive; den is "day", so the meaning is "Grandmother’s Day". It’s also called Midwives Day.
The roots of this festival, however, are in fertility rites. In Bulgaria, a house full of healthy and beautiful children is a basic value, and this is the underlying focus of the rituals on Babinden. Fertility is an essential theme of nature, and today I celebrate the place my grandsons have in the great, burgeoning, hope-filled circle of abundance, and my role as one of their care-givers.
Agenda today:
1. Journal queries
2. Read "Mindfulness-Based Emotional Balance Workbook"
3. Hand-washing ceremony
1. Journal queries:
Today I think about the grandchildren in my life: My two delightful grandsons, and all the other children and young adults I have helped to raise up to be thoughtful humans in my long career as an art teacher and mother. I ask:
4. Prayer for grandmothers
1. Journal queries:
Today I think about the grandchildren in my life: My two delightful grandsons, and all the other children and young adults I have helped to raise up to be thoughtful humans in my long career as an art teacher and mother. I ask:
What does being a grandmother mean to me?
What wisdom would I like to share with my grandchildren?
I looked back at a journal entry from four years ago, when my first grandson was an infant:
Becoming a Grandma means I get to mother in a grand way: I can play with him, craft for him, talk, sing... and laugh, laugh, laugh. I melt at the sight of him, stare into his face, whisper to him. I miss him when I don't see him every day. I hope to be a role model for him, teach him skills, share my ethical wisdom, and my respect for the environment. But: I will follow his lead and his interests because Grandmothering is not about my ego. I get to dote.
This is a new phase of my life: I'm not teaching other people's children anymore - I'm reserving my energy for this baby boy who is my grandson. It's going to keep me young, and joy filled, and in the moment. And I don't have to make all the decisions this time, or be the disciplinarian. I look forward to the many, many grandma-treats and adventures, Grandma Camps and classes, birthday parties, and babysitting. And the BEST thing is: I get to do it all with Grandpa W!
2. Read "Mindfulness-Based Emotional Balance Workbook":
My goal with this workbook is to find equanimity no matter what arises; to counter the effects of stress and build my resilience; to become physically stronger and resistant to illness; and to be happier, wiser, and more hopeful.
Chapter 3 is Clarifying Values and Intentions. "One powerful way to strengthen emotional balance is to clarify your intentions and reconnect with your deepest values. ... cognition, emotion, and intention are three basic aspects of the mind. While cognition deals with the 'what' of the mind -- knowledge and information -- and emotions refers to 'how' we feel about this knowledge, intention is the 'why.' ... Values and intentions are like the rudder that guides the boat."
This is exciting information because it's what I intuited, and how I've been guiding my life for some time now! They describe how to notice my intentions just before I act, starting with the simple intention to loosen my tight neck muscles. Learning to notice the moment of intention just before an action allows me to slow the snowball effect of unconscious intention and action.
For example, every time I loose my temper I have a logical series of "mind moments" first, that may not even be related to each other: Someone says something that causes me distress, and that feeling carries an intention of lashing back which might explode out of me much later.
They suggest that I check in and reset my intentions through out the day as I move through situations.
3. Hand-washing ceremony:
In Bulgaria and elsewhere, water is a symbol of purity and has healing powers. Early this morning, young women in Bulgaria visit the local midwife or doctor. They bring soap, a towel, hot water in a ceramic bottle, and their young children. They perform a complicated symbolic hand-washing ritual, the purpose of which is to ensure easy births in the future and tall, strong children. The midwife gives a silver coin to each child she has delivered. When I taught art classes, we sometimes had a small hand-washing ceremony outside under the apple tree. My students would hand me the soap, and pour water over my hands. I would splash the water up into the air and say, "May you all be tall, beautiful, and healthy!" Then I would give them each a silver coin from my stash of foreign coins.
Last year I blessed my grandson outside with the ducks, in a bucket of clean duck water. We got drenched, then came indoors to wash in the kitchen sink, change all our clothes, and take a nap together. (I didn't manage photos - we were too in the moment!)
4. Prayer for grandmothers:
About lunchtime all the Bulgarian women go back to the midwife’s house without their children, bringing gifts and food: Socks, scarves, embroidery, bread, chicken, sweets, wine and brandy.
The lunchtime gathering turns into an all-day "women’s only" party (except the doctor might be a man, and sometimes male musicians attend- but they must dress as women) and it gets pretty wild! The women drink, dance, sing dirty songs, tell jokes, and gossip, and it goes on into the night.
For years I thought, when I am a grandmother, I'm going to throw a grandmother party! But I haven't managed to do that yet. Maybe sometime soon.
So today I'll say a prayer for my grandmothers of the past, and my women friends of grandmother age who have helped me to survive and grow, with their humor, love, and good advice. And visit one grandmother I haven't seen for a while!
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