Creating order when you can is a form of power; orderly habits and an orderly mind will bring you clarity and peace. Creating order is ground work: Put the order in place first, then everything that follows will flow more smoothly, and when chaos inevitably happen your orderly mind will be free to handle it with equanimity.
You cannot completely organize the chaos in your life but you can create a balance between the two, finding stability with order and using chaos as an impetus for growth. Too much order borders on obsession - I can accept that a certain amount of disorder is healthy and normal, and aim for just enough order to feel like I'm creating meaning, and accomplishing many of my priorities. (I wrote a whole book on this topic, called "Get Your Ducks in a Row." )
1. Habits of an orderly mind
2. My integrity plan
3. Re-order my time and priorities
4. Household order
5. February organizing tips
1. Habits of an orderly mind:
One form of chaos is the messy, disordered, jumbled thoughts bouncing around in my head. I can’t make sense of things when my mind is racing, and obsessing."It is amazing how much both happiness and efficiency can be increased by the cultivation of an orderly mind, which thinks about a matter adequately at the right time rather than inadequately at all times. When a difficult or worrying decision has to be reached, as soon as all the data are available, give the matter your best thought and make your decision; having made the decision, do not revise it unless some new fact comes to your knowledge. Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile." -Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness.
So one of the most useful habits of an orderly mind is to let go of the vicious cycle of worry. But how do you train your brain to repeatedly bring itself to a state of order and calmness, without being obsessive-compulsive about it?
What I need is a mental-set that can sift out distractions, help me to notice fatigue and over-excitement, and improve my memory and my self-control.One idea I like comes from Dr. Mark Steinberg's blog: Practice the habit of permeability, that is, seeing events and circumstances from different points of view, becoming involved and then letting go of an issue so that it can filter through you rather than get stuck in your mind. "By practicing permeability, you become more flexible, which allows you to problem-solve and tolerate frustration much more effectively".
I think I'm a pretty organized person, and I get quite a bit accomplished. But, as I age, I have less and less patience with my procrastination, my emotional outbursts, and other ongoing bad habits. Enough already! I don't have time to waste.I'm going to practice some behavioral self-regulation exercises, because I really believe that self-regulation will lead to better self-control. Behavioral self-regulation is “the ability to act in your long-term best interest, consistent with your deepest values”. It is what allows us to feel one way but act another. “Self-regulation [is about] reducing the frequency and intensity of strong impulses by managing stress-load and recovery.”
This week I'm going to start with a combination of these three exercises:
- Mental contrasting: a self-regulation strategy where I name an important wish (finishing my sewing project) and then identity and mentally elaborate the best outcome (feeling successful, making a connection), then identify and vividly imagine a central inner obstacle to reaching that future (the urge to put it off until later).
- Implementation intentions: a self-regulation strategy that involves forming if-then plans for the future, by detailing when, where and how a goal intention should be executed (If I intend to finish sewing my project today, then I will stop with whatever I am involved with at 10 a.m. and get ready for sewing!).
- Add a delay before indulging my impulse to procrastinate, for example by counting to 10 before opening the solitaire app (My usual reason for procrastination is that I need a break, so taking a 2-minute walk around the house might work).
I'm calling this my Integrity Plan. Each morning I'll:
Define one or two priorities I hope to accomplish, along with their most positive possible outcomes and experiences; - Envision the obstacles standing in the way of attaining those wished for accomplishments;
- Identify when and where I'm likely to encounter these obstacles and what I can do to overcome them, using “if-then statements” and building in a delay habit.
For example, this morning I wrote:
I intend to finish sewing my seed charm today so I can gift it tomorrow and create a happy connection; procrastination has prevented me from finishing this, so I will make myself ready to sew at 11 a.m., hold on to the idea of happy connection, and work on it until I finish. If I feel the urge to put it off until later, I will take a 2-minute walk around the house, then start again.
2. Re-order my time and priorities:
One kind of chaos is when you have no clear path, or structure to your day. Without a clearly defined schedule and plan, you can easily drift through the day without getting much done.An important part of this plan is a clear sense of your priorities - those activities, good deeds, responsibilities, people, disciplines, and whatever else seems most important and feels most meaningful to you. In "Get Your Ducks in a Row" I say:
Priorities are more fluid than values. They change over time and with the seasons, and expand or decrease with your energy, so you need to keep a close eye on them.
Carefully choosing a set of priorities will give your day focus, and help you to decide how to best spend your time. You only have so much time each day, and we all know we can't do it all, so give priority to the activities and people that matter most to you right now. Knowing your priorities will give you the gift of self-confidence and peace of mind, because it will be so much easier to say "No - that is not a priority for me right now."
Last month I reviewed my core values and today I will look at my priorities, by answering these queries:
-What are my important and meaningful responsibilities and jobs? (Work, family, committees, etc.)
-Where do my strengths lie?
-What gives me the biggest reward?
-What would I do even if I only had 6 months to live?
-Which activities best support my dreams and goals?
-What activities best support my values?
5. Household Order:
Today I read from Martha Stewart's book called "Organizing: The Manual for Bringing Order to Your Life, Home & Routine" (2020). Part One is Organizing Your Year, and it starts with monthly charts and tips. Tips for February include-
One of New Year's resolutions is to care for my land with discipline and ritual, and create a home that is a peaceful and well-ordered sanctuary for those I love.
February is when I feel a big urge to purge and simplify every room in the house - to keep only the things I need and find beautiful, and give away the rest. Clearing even a small space, like my sock drawer or kitchen table, gifts me with feeling of peace and joy. This month I've been:
- Reexamining all my stuff one room at a time, to see what else I'm ready to let go of.
Finding new, creative ways to store my stuff so it looks tidy and is easy to put away.- Returning to the habit of putting things away immediately; (this is an integrity ritual: The practice of cleaning up after myself and putting everything back in its home spot).
Last week I cleared the living room, re-ordering the grandson toys and crafts, clearing away extra coats and shopping bags, putting away most of the knick knacks and dusting the surfaces, then adding back a minimal amount of decoration for late winter.
This week I'll clear the bathroom and linen closet.
4. February organizing:
Today I read from Martha Stewart's book called "Organizing: The Manual for Bringing Order to Your Life, Home & Routine" (2020). Part One is Organizing Your Year, and it starts with monthly charts and tips. Tips for February include-- Update your social media profile
- Deep-clean your computer and other devices
- Host a crafting afternoon with friends
- Purchase garden stakes and labeling supplies
- Deep-clean book shelves
- Prune trees
- Organize your linen closet
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