Enough

What is enough? My days become a blur, and I can't catch up with my intentions. I can't make enough progress with my attention, my patience and equanimity, my wisdom and growth. My projects don't get done - where is time going?

Agenda for today:

1. Ongo journal

2. Days of Passion

3. Abundance journal

1. Ongo journal:

I'm taking a 12-week non-violent communication class. Week five is about Core Beliefs, and our interpretation of those. "The reason we are looking at them today is because we have arrived at a moment in our lives where we have outgrown some of these core beliefs."

The practice was to explore 5 themes, and the two that triggered me big time were: Deficiency: "I'm not enough; I'm not loved; I'm an outsider", and Danger: "People can't be trusted; the world isn't safe."

What I wrote and talked about was the way my father treated me - that I was kind of a silly and not too bright - and how I strived and performed to get his attention and approval, and ultimately failed. My core belief around that is that I must work hard to get approval, and fight against any criticism. 

It's all well and good to say I've outgrown that, but it's not going away. The best advice in Ongo is to notice when I start acting like teenage me - raging against criticism - and offer her my acceptance and love.

2. Days of Passion:

On Fridays I make a plan for Nature-Culture flow and writing through the next week. My Nature-Culture theme this month is life and death, animals, and preparing for winter. I'm also working on the idea of the intersection of Nature and Culture: Is there a balance point, like a Yin yang, between the two? How can I better incorporate a sense of my wild animal instinctual being into my days, and thinking like an earth dweller rather than a person from mars?

• Writing: Sanctuary: Nature's way to make fertile soil, hugelkulture; Awareness of animals (and self as animal), and life and death; Natural living: Regenerative winter gardening; Give Back: Advocate for Homegrown park, little free plants, butterfly tags; Write a Habitat Haven neighbor letter
• Creativity: Begin work on EC trifold; Start a positivity abstract (about butterflies?); New butterfly tags; Sewing project? Bats and spiders
• Garden: Sow native seeds; Build hugelkulture, plant clover; Remove ornamental iris from 2nd street bed; Move soil, remove thimbleberry; take a Mason Bee workshop; Remove English ivy in hedge
• Community: Teach N-C to kids- life and death, bats and spiders; prepare for EC meeting, assigning roles

3. Abundance journal:

To attract abundance into my life (and into the world), I need an abundance consciousness: That is, I need to be aware of the abundance already in my life, connect with it, feel grateful for it, and be ready to accept more of it. 

Abundance consciousness opens my mind and helps me to operate at a higher-level; I see my prospects clearly and welcome obstacles as opportunities. When I believe there’s enough for everybody, I will take it as a challenge to figure out how to make it so; I will work harder to create a bright future for myself, my family, and my world.

I start with a few minutes of quiet meditation to expand my awareness of what I want for myself and for others in my life. “Expansion is the great friend of abundance. It brings in the light, opening up new possibilities. In a relaxed, open state, your awareness sees farther, and life isn’t so confined.” (Deepak Chopra)

Then I write very short, simple answers to these queries:

1. What do I want today, for myself and for others?

2. What step can I take today towards abundance?

3. What one thing could I create today, to expand abundance in the world?

Today I want an abundance of peaceful but energetic flow. I will stay in the moment and on task throughout the day, as I create an EC news page, design a new trial-fold, and have fun with grandson #1.