Time to Ponder

I value time to ponder, to mull things over. I've begun a practice of sitting outside in the garden every morning to ponder the connections and flow of my life and projects - I sit with a cup of coffee and a yellow legal pad and make notes of what comes to mind. I daydream and let my mind wander, and then gradually draw my attention back to this moment in my garden: I see the bees and plants, and notice the ripe raspberries, what needs water, and where the bindweed is creeping upward. Then I swing into action - pick the berries and pull the bindweed, and bring joyful attention to my garden.

When I pay attention to my garden and the sweet taste of raspberries I can let all anxiety and obsession go.

Agenda: 

1. Read "Present Moment Awareness"

2. Ponder my presence

3. Grandma and Grandpa Camp

1. Read "Present Moment Awareness":

I've been studying the Emotional Balance Book, and trying to practice awareness of thoughts without much success; just can't seem to get a grasp of the techniques. 

So I got this book by Shannon Duncan (2001) that takes awareness one step at a time: First, body and senses; then beliefs and limitations; then emotions; and finally, reactivity. It seems like a straightforward plan!

Chapter 1 is Right Here, Right Now. She talks about how we become absorbed in our worries and miss out on the life we are living in the present. So, anxiousness and restlessness are barriers to awareness, and enjoyment of life. 

The second practice is to do something ordinary, like brushing my teeth, and try to stay aware of the present moment and out of my head, then write about the experience, and when I was aware or lost in thought. "To realize when you are not present is to understand what it means to be present."

2. Ponder about play:

The second tip is to take time to ponder each part of the book -ask how it applies to me, and how I feel about it. Today I took time to ponder what it means to be present with the boys as we play. I find I can do it for stretches (especially when I have a plan), then I disengage and go off in my head to think about the next task I want to do or some other worry.

The point of being present more often is to participate in the play, and in our life together; also to practice so I am able to be present when I really need to.

I could do better. I disengage because I feel bored and because I need a break - are these really good reasons? I guess it depends on the quality of the break: Am I obsessing about something stressful, or really taking a mental breather to recenter myself? Do phone games help me to recenter or do they leave me feeling stupid? 

I'm still not convinced that I need to be present with them all the time, but today I will try to be aware of when I am and how often.

3. Grandma and Grandpa Camp:

We've been having some really great times with the boys. It especially works when a) I engage Wade in the plans and the projects, and/or b) I prepare supplies in advance.

Highlights:

Bug Camp- making stick caterpillars

Sun Camp- Making a sun weaving and strawberry shortcake

 Bean Camp - planting beans together

Color Camp- color sorting collage

Butterfly Camp - painting a watercolor butterfly, and following butterflies outside

Lego City

And some great outings to the river park and the library and Papas Pizza...