Family Love and Joy

During this week of Advent my theme is "family love and joy". Of course, the joy of the season is spontaneous and un-planable, but I do these three things to create the right conditions:

• 

  My children painted these plaster houses when they were young.

  Take the time to consider what my friends and family will want most this season. In other words, I become less self-focused and more generous in all ways. 
• Be respectful, patient, and kind (no matter how stressed I feel).
• Take care of myself so I can be calm and present for the spontaneous joy when it arises.

These are obviously year-round aspirations, but I need a strict reminder now, because, somehow, everything seems so important: I have high expectations (both of myself and others) and I feel we must get this right.

Agenda this week:
1. Journal queries
2. Check in with my family
3. Card-writing practice
4. Make simple gifts

5. Take care of myself

1. Journal queries:
What activities do I most want to do with my family, and which might I enjoy alone? 
How do I include my friends in my celebration during this time of quarantine? 
Which activities and projects can I let go of this year?

2. Check in with my family:
Now that my kids are grown and living with their partners, they celebrate as separate family units, which is right and good. They are generous with their time, and include their old parents in many ways - texting me for ideas for gifts, dropping by to make cookies together or share a meal.

I do tend to get a little needy at this time of year, though, so I have already sent out a query about our plans, and who wants to do what and when, and also I've had a personal talk with both of my children.

My check-ins have been especially poignant this year as we mourn the loss of a family friend. We are celebrating advent and Christmas with memories of her life enveloping everything - tears and smiles.

Cards from Christmas 2020

3. Card-writing practice:

Christmas cards are becoming a thing of the past, but I still like to send and receive them. Cards are pretty and personal. I especially enjoy getting cards with a brief hand-written note. I make my own cards nearly every year, but this year I'm using leftovers.

Each morning this week I plan to address a card or two and send them on their way with love.

4. Make simple gifts:
Gifts are one way to express love for family and friends.

Remember that gifts come in many forms. Emerson said, “The only gift is a portion of thyself.”



I make the majority of my own gifts: Spiced nuts and cookies. Crocheted, stitched, or painted items. It's tricky to think of new things to make for the same people each year!

Every gift is loaded with meaning, and so giving requires mindfulness. Finding or making the "perfect gift" requires that I take the time to get into the other person's shoes and think about what would be most meaningful and appreciated by this particular person at this particular time. 

Of coarse, the "perfect gift" is a mostly unattainable goal, but on the other hand, "It's the thought that counts" is a saying that only works if I have given it some actual thought.

5. Make a prayer quilt:

I learned about prayer quilts while researching the Mennonites, but many different churches have a "prayer quilt ministry". Usually the women of the church make these lap-sized quilts, laced with heavy thread rather than quilted. Often the laces are left untied and then the whole congregation is invited to tie them with a square knot. 

I started out making these as pocket prayer quilts - smaller squares that can be carried in your pocket - but it has turned into a lap quilt for my grieving friend. I hope to finish it this week and then invite family and close friends to tie the knots. As each knot is tied, a silent prayer is offered.

6. Take care of myself:

One of my goals this week is to take care of myself so I can be calm and present for spontaneous joy when it arises. I've decided I need to set some limits: I'm going to cut back on my committee work for the rest of this month, and fit in naps a little more regularly.