Practice Equanimity

Right about now, as the holiday energy builds and social demands increase, I need to review practices that help me to maintain an even-temper, patience, and grounded-ness.

Equanimity is an expression of love: It’s the serenity we exhibit when we have to wait, and also the kindness we show to those “difficult people” who don’t listen to reason, who interrupt, who are overly sensitive, or who are so annoying. Equanimity allows us to let go of frustration and irritation, and treat those people with skill and gentleness. It allows us to counter disrespect and contempt with compassion, and to remember that human needs are not always logical, but are always more important than our schedule.

Equanimity is a habit that requires love and self-control; it requires that you cut people slack and allow them to be imperfect; that you relax and let go of time anxiety; and that you acknowledge your impatience and irritation but don't act on them. It's powerful; it opens hearts. People feel liberated when you let them know that you are unruffled and in no hurry. Your patience is a gift to them, and will allow them to heal and grow.

And it's not only useful with in-the-moment situations, but also for grounded-ness in the face of world upheaval and fears about the future. Life is a rainbow of chaos, and equanimity is a super-power that will get you through.

Agenda:

1. Daily equanimity practice

2. Daily love journal

3. Practice with pleasure and pain

1. Daily Equanimity Practice

For the last weeks of December, I find it helpful to incorporate this practice I call my "Zen Pause" into my morning routine, in hopes that I will remember to use it when I really need it:

1. Plant your feet firmly on the earth (picture a mountain - be a mountain); name how you are feeling.
2. Touch your heart, and soften (relax your shoulders, slow your breathing); hold your feelings in love and light.
3. Touch your head, open your mind, and expand your thinking. Embrace the paradox of chaos and the still center.

2. Daily love journal:

Periodically I take out a special small journal that I call my love journal. First I think about the people I will see today, and the conversations we may have. I make note of times when I might need to draw on equanimity.

And then I answer these queries: 

-What are my triggers? What situations or words cause me to be most impatient or ungrounded?

-What is my "normal" response to disrespect or unreasonableness?

-What is my normal response to expectations that fall through? 

-What kinds of habits help me to stay calm and grounded during frustration and irritations, well as moments of grief, or elation?

Lastly, I brainstorm a list of people for whom I wish I had greater loving patience and self-control, and specific situations that would improve if I had greater equanimity. I brainstorm some goals for equanimity in the days ahead, and add them to my planner.

3. Practice with pleasure and pain:

I am fluctuating dramatically these days between the joy of being with my grandson, and the grief of remembering our sudden loss of a dear friend. Equanimity does not require that I don't feel these emotions, but rather that I don't cling to or reject either one. The trick is to really feel both my joy and my grief; humans are capable of this paradox. 

Both experiences are a part of life; they ebb and flow - I practice so that I can remain balanced in the flow between the two, and be present for all my feelings, without going numb.

At the time of a shift to one feeling or another, I try to remember to run through my Zen Pause: Name my feeling, hold it in Light, and open my mind to see that I have room for this, too.

Because I'm analytical by nature it also helps me to sort out the cause and effect of my feelings. I have a brief inner dialogue such as, "I'm feeling very impatient now; more than the situation merits ... do I need to eat something perhaps? or take a little quiet time alone? Do I need to give attention to grief right now?".