Family Joy

My children painted these plaster houses when they were young.

During this week of Advent my theme is "family love and joy". Of course, the joy of the season is spontaneous and un-planable, but I do these three things to create the right conditions:

• Take the time to consider what my friends and family will want most this season. In other words, I become less self-focused and more generous in all ways. 
• Be respectful, patient, and kind (no matter how stressed I feel).
• Take care of myself so I can be calm and present for the spontaneous joy when it arises.

These are obviously year-round aspirations, but I need a strict reminder now, because, somehow, everything seems so important: I have high expectations (both of myself and others) and I feel we must get this right.

Agenda this week:
1. Journal queries
2. Check in with my family

3. Read "Braiding Sweetgrass"
4. Card-writing practice
5. Make simple gifts

1. Journal queries:

What activities do I most want to do with my family, and which might I enjoy alone? 

What self-care do I most need in order to be calm and present?

How can I include my Nature family in my celebrations? What gifts can I offer to nature?

2. Check in with my family:
Now that my kids are grown and living with their partners, they celebrate as separate family units, which is right and good. They are generous with their time, and include their old parents in many ways - texting me for ideas for gifts, dropping by to make cookies together or share a meal.

I do tend to get a little needy at this time of year, though, so I will have a personal talk (or perhaps a text "chat") with both of my children about who wants to do what and when, and be sure that my craving to be with my family is satisfied.

3. Read "Braiding Sweetgrass":

This year I gave everyone in my family a copy of "Braiding Sweetgrass" by Robin Wall Kimmerer, because it's such an important book, and I want to share. I hope we can talk about it during our regular family zoom meetings, and that it will help us each to explore our own relationship with nature, and learn how to better listen to the natural world.

Last year I listened to the book on audio, read by Kimmerer herself, and this year I'm reading the paper book, slowly and thoroughly, and will share my favorite parts here.

I posted part of the first section, Sky Woman Falling, in October. As Kimmerer says, "Children hearing the Skywoman story from birth know in their bones the responsibility that flows between humans and the earth." I wonder what it must be like to grow up with that deep understanding of our true place within Nature; Since first hearing this book, I've felt like a child learning a new language.

She talks about her third-year environmental student's universal belief that People and Nature have no positive interactions at all - that we are bad news for the earth: "I realized that that they could not even imagine what beneficial relations between their species and others might look like. How can we begin to move toward ecological and cultural sustainability if we cannot even imagine what the path feels like?"

Skywoman Falling is a story about how to become indigenous to a place; Skywoman arrived on Turtle Island, learned from the land and the other species, and cared for the land, as if her life depended on it. In that give and take with Nature, she made a home, and she became native. 

This month I will ask my family: 

• What gifts do you feel you can offer Mother Earth?
• What creates a strong relationship between people and Earth?
• What does it mean to become indigenous to a place?

4. Card-writing practice:

Cards from Christmas 2020

Christmas cards are becoming a thing of the past, but I still like to send and receive them. Cards are pretty and personal. I especially enjoy getting cards with a brief hand-written note. I make my own cards nearly every year, but this year I'm using leftovers.

Each morning this week I plan to address a card or two and send them on their way with love.

4. Make simple gifts:
Gifts are one way to express love for family and friends.

Remember that gifts come in many forms. Emerson said, “The only gift is a portion of thyself.”



I make the majority of my own gifts: Spiced nuts and cookies. Crocheted, stitched, or painted items. It's tricky to think of new things to make for the same people each year!

Every gift is loaded with meaning, and so giving requires mindfulness. Finding or making the "perfect gift" requires that I take the time to get into the other person's shoes and think about what would be most meaningful and appreciated by this particular person at this particular time. 

Of coarse, the "perfect gift" is a mostly unattainable goal, but on the other hand, "It's the thought that counts" is a saying that only works if I have given it some actual thought.