Love Awareness

My overall theme for this year is Awareness, and my theme for this moon cycle is Stillness and Learning. Since the start of the new year I've also been loosely rotating through daily themes for my writing, reading and actions: Truth, Sanctuary, Earth, Love, Health, Creation, and Celebration.

Today is my Love Day, when I will read and write about love and the habits of love.

Agenda:

1. Read "How to Love"

2. Start a Love Journal for 2022

3. 5-minute love meditation

4. Choose a self-cultivation project

5. Practice Virtue Habits

1. Read "How to Love":

I'm reading this small book by Thich Nhat Hahn called "How to Love":

"The first practice of love is to know oneself. The Pali word metta means "loving kindness." When we practice Metta Meditation, we see the conditions that have caused us to be the way we are: this makes it easy for us to accept ourselves, including our suffering and our happiness. ... We have to look deeply at our body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. ... We will see how our fears and lack of peace contribute to our unhappiness, and we will see the value of loving ourselves and cultivating a heart of compassion. Love will enter our thoughts, words, and actions." 

2. Start a Love Journal for 2022:

The habits of love include generosity, honesty, patience and equanimity, forgiveness, gratitude, communication, respect, kindness and care - among others. And growing in any of the habits of love requires some introspective: The work is mainly done as an inner dialogue, so I'll take out my trusty Love Journal again to renew this conversation in the new year.

I find that keeping a separate Love Journal helps me to see habits and patterns in relationships, and realize where I need to grow. My Love Journal Practice goes like this:

1. First I review conversations and interactions I had yesterday, and my general frame of mind with the world.
2. Next, I think about the people I will see today, the conversations I may have, and make note of times when I might need to draw on any of the love habits, and which ones. 
3. And then I answer these queries: 

-What is my growing edge - where do I most need to focus my attention, when it comes to love? 

-With whom could I be kinder, or what kinds of situations most often push me out of kindness? 

-How can I bring mindfulness to the practice of love in the ordinary setting of every day?

 

I've found that keeping a Love Journal is the thing that most helps me to grow in love and effectiveness. For example, as I went through today's exercise, I recalled the one moment yesterday when I lost my cool, triggered by the impatience in the voice of another. I was able to breath through the moment again and find the calm I couldn't find yesterday, and practice the equanimity I didn't have.

3. 5-minute love meditation:

• 1 minute - Relax your body, and focus on the tender emotion of generous love. Allow a smile to settle on your face and in your heart. 
• 1 minute - Visualize love as soft, tingly, warm, pink light, and see it move from your heart to every part of your body so that every cell is glowing and vibrating. 
• 1 minute - Now see the pink light of love radiating to fill the whole room, then the whole city, and the whole planet earth. 
• 1 minute - See that all people, plants, and animals feel warm and happy. 
• 1 minute - Send an extra dose of love light to those people you want to have a better connection to.

4. Choose a self-cultivation project:

A couple of weeks ago, on my Epiphany post, I started to think about a possible self-cultivation project. 

"You can't really change your personality, but you can build on your strengths, moderate your weakness, and set some goals for cultivating yourself. I think of this as a gentle, loving, gardening project: I am trimming a little here, and feeding this and that, so that I will grow a better relationship with the world."

One of the parts of this project is to be aware of the hidden strengths associated with my apparent weaknesses. In the case of my thin-skinned reaction to the disrespect of others, my strength is a willingness to stand for justice. But the ways I currently address unfairness are not in the least effective; I'm stuck in a little girl reaction to bullying. I'm quite sure I get triggered by past anxiety and blow things out of proportion. I want to find equanimity in the face of disrespect, and address the injustice from a place of strength rather than reactivity.

Today I set this intention: "When I feel belittled or lectured at, I intend to breath into my heart, listen quietly, and find the grain of truth; if I need to ask for respect, I will ask with a calm voice."

5. Practice Virtue Habits:

Virtue is an old-fashioned word that means ethical behavior; it encompasses a wide array of nice habits and behaviors that you can try to build, which will help you to act with love, and will also renew your soul.

A couple of years ago I ran across Ben Franklin's system to develop his character. In 1726, at the age of 20, Ben devised a small chart that he carried with himself, to record his behavior day-to-day, in 13 areas - his 13 virtues - which included temperance, silence, moderation, and chastity. (If you do a Google search you will see that MANY people are interested in Ben's system! You can buy journals and download charts if you want.)

What I found most interesting about Ben's chart is that he asked his friends for ideas about what virtues he needed to work on, and most of them were habits of moderation- he was apparently a man with large appetites! I used this system for one whole year, and found it very useful. I of course collected my own set of virtues to work on, and added them one habit at a time.

 

Today I'm going to revisit this practice starting with two habits:

Equanimity: "Having the strength to stay calm, independent of my impulses; not excited or impatient with people or problems, or obsessed with any thought."

Know Myself: "Looking for opportunities for self-discovery, and acknowledging how I've grown as a result of my struggles: better relationships, greater strength, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life?"

I make myself a little chart and each morning I think back on the day before and evaluate myself. (I know that not everyone likes or is motivated by a star chart, but this is just the simplest and most fun way for me.) Ben used a dot to indicate success. I use a star. Also, I use a frowny face when I know I blew it.

Another option is to use your Love Journal to track your Virtue Practices. Or use sticky notes, or a mantra, or set alarms.

I suggest adding a new virtue habit every week or two, or rotating through different habits to keep it fresh and interesting.