Creative Anxiety

Creative anxiety is sneaky: It dresses itself up and hides out. You would think at my age I'd be able to recognize it quickly, but here I am, dealing with it again.

When I get sloppy with the art-work I'm doing, and begin to turn out messy, meaningless pieces, I forget that it's anxiety at the root and not that I've lost my touch. When I begin to feel lethargic and put off doing the work of art-making, sometimes for weeks, I forget that it's anxiety at the root and not laziness, or busy-ness, or disinterest.

When I face up to my anxiety, then I can make a plan.

Creative anxiety agenda:

1. Read the Creativity Book

2. Set an intention for summer creativity

3. Do the smallest thing

4. Lifeboat drill

1. Read the Creativity Book:

A few years ago I started but didn't finish this book by Eric Maisel (one of my favorite writers). The subtitle is "A Year's Worth of Inspiration and Guidance." Who doesn't want that? 

I'm on to Week 14: Carve Basalt. 

"One of the great impediments to unleashing our creativity is the fear that we're not equal to creative and intellectual tasks. ... This sense that the work is too hard, that any attempt to think big and tackle mighty themes will inevitably lead to failure haunts (us all). ... Creators in every field stifle their own creativity by announcing to themselves 'Doing that would be far too hard.' "

Maisel was the first writer who unraveled for me the biggest muddle of an artist's life - the paradox of the inevitable twining of anxiety and creativity. I read his book "Fearless Creating" in my middle years, and lived by it.

In this book his advise is:

1. First, choose a really hard creative project to practice this technique on: Something I would not normally even try.
2. Second, become aware of the muffled message of defeat I am hearing.
3. Third, replace the defeating message with a positive affirmation, such as "Yes, this will be hard, but I'm up to the challenge!" Think and feel that I am up to it, and begin.
4. Give it at least 3 days of work, then evaluate.

2. Set an intention for summer creativity:

Summer has a different cadence, open-ended and lazy, so it's easy to forget to act on my priority for creativity. Here is my intention this summer:

I intend to work with attention and tenacity on many creative projects this summer, including my collages, my unity arts, house and garden art, and art with my grandsons, because my creativity is from and of God, and is the voice of my soul. Furthermore, I intend to finish things I start, because my mission is to be a creative force for change, and my brilliant ideas won’t have any impact on the world unless I put them into form.

3. Do the smallest thing:

Eric Maisel has many suggestions for managing creative anxiety. Doing the smallest thing is a great way to make creative work less frightening. I made a list of small things I need to do for my current projects, printed it, and assigned one or two per day. 

Some of my small tasks:

• Draw Godzilla on helmet.
• Test paint pens - seek pens that will work.
• Set out big paper and paints, water tub.
• Print hands with grandsons for wrapping paper.
• Paint underpainting for sun mandala collage.
• Collect images and papers for sun collage.
• Collect and print fortunes for chickadee collage and sun mandala.
• Draw 3 new butterflies in bathroom.
• Paint butterflies.

3. Engage in a Lifeboat Drill:

This is my version of Maisel's Lifeboat Drill, which is training for deliberate calmness in the face of anxiety: 

1. Set a timer for the time I have scheduled for artwork. 
2. When it goes off, feel my anxiety well up and instead of ignoring it, or rationalizing about why I don't have time, gather my wits and declare: "I know what to do in this situation".
3. Go to my studio (or wherever I need to go) immediately - do not stop to do anything else.
4. Work for a short amount of time on one of my smallest things.