Life is a Gift (for everyone and everything)

No matter how badly things go, I am still alive in this beautiful world, and I have so much to feel gratitude for!

After the election, I've begun to realize (finally) how separated we progressives are from the average person. We see life differently; generally we are able to see all of Life as a gift, with enough for everyone, whereas others see Life as THEIR gift, which other people are fucking up.

I refuse to be brought down to that level: I will stay in my progressive bubble, thank you very much.

But I'm going to need to work at it. It's easy to begin to feel like They are after us, and to worry about the future of my Life, which leads inevitably to a scarcity mindset and all the phobias and conspiracies that go with it. 

Agenda

1. Read "Wake Up Grateful"
2. Generosity Practice
3. Review active listening

1. Read "Wake Up Grateful":

I've been reading this book by Kristi Nelson (2020), with the sub-title "The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted". She explains how she met Brother David Steindl-Rast, and eventually began to work with him on The Network for Grateful Living website, and that this book is a guidebook based on Brother David's teachings.

Chapter 2 is Grateful Living as a Way of Life. It covers the five guiding principles of Brother David's teaching.

The first principle is Life is a Gift. This is "the invitation to see life itself as a gift: an unexpected gift that you didn't need to do anything to earn or deserve, but is coming to you -- wrapped in a wide range of packaging." She reminds us that "life itself is our most reliable cause for gratefulness."

2. Generosity practice:

On the third day of the waning gibbous moon, I practice a love meditation, and then journal about generosity with time and attention. I start with ideas for being generous with myself, then my family, my neighborhood, community, and the earth. I might decide to give money or a gift, or simple acts of helping and sharing my time.

This month's generosity plan:

1. Order myself some new books!
2. Gift-making for family.
3. Winter wildlife care.
4. Grandson pocket treats and projects for advent.
5. Sharing my optimism and ideas for action with a heart-sick community.

When I'm motivated by the desire to give, just the intention to offer my help, and my willingness to listen, will begin to lessen suffering in the world.

3. Review active listening:

I've worked and worked on being less emotionally reactive - on having equanimity, and have definitely improved, but not enough. While I want to be accepting of myself, I also deeply desire to be a calmer person. 

I intend to continue to work at growing my equanimity by practicing a Formula for Calm (breath, name feelings, time out), using a trigger journal, and nurturing active listening skills, because I want less unnecessary emotional disturbance, a better relationship with my loved ones, and I want to understand people clearly and honestly. Consider the best way to respond to the situation. 

Last week I began to practice a Formula for Calm (Breath, Name feeling, timeout). I'm practicing it for simple emotions like boredom and impatience, and I've found that just one slow, deep breath allows time for "signals coming into my brain to filter up into consciousness rather than triggering automatic responses in the autonomic nervous system".

Now I'm ready to review my active listening skills: In a nutshell-

• Practice fully engaging with the speaker: Try to maintain eye contact and nod to show understanding. Be mindful and in-the-moment.
• Take time to understand the message: Use paraphrasing to ensure comprehension, and ask gentle questions. Figure out the feelings of the other person.
• Respond appropriately (rather than getting set to argue): Use the Formula for Calm if I need it. 

Since reactivity is often a product of self-preservation, it helps to focus on the feelings and desires of the other person involved, seeing them as another feeling human rather than a threat. Then I can verbalize my own feelings calmly and honestly and also consider the other person’s, to find resolution. 

"Slowing down and actively listening are essential to ward off emotional reactivity. When we listen actively, we are attempting to take in what the other is saying at face value. The goal is to understand the message without letting our own biases, thoughts and emotions get in the way. Active listening does not mean shutting down your feelings though. If you feel some emotions while your loved one is speaking, make a mental note of them but don’t let them explode."