Why Love?

Every year or two, I practice a 30-day love cycle of reading, thought, and small actions that help me to cultivate and improve the habits that allow me to keep love central in my life, and in my everyday interactions. 

Love is the key to happiness and success in all areas. Life is lived in relationship- in community- and no matter how brilliant and effective I am, I will struggle if I have poor relationships with the people in my life. Love is also a frame for my bond with the earth, with Spirit, and with myself.

Love is a practice, not a belief or feeling. It’s a set of habits learned over a lifetime: Listening, giving, speaking and acting in a loving way. It’s a way of being, with my attention on compassion, patience, generosity, kindness, and understanding. 

“By celebrating—and sharing—the love that already lives inside us, we can free ourselves from the fear, anger and sadness that cause so much suffering. I have seen firsthand that when we open our hearts to love’s abundance we are able to transform our lives and make the world a more just and peaceful place… When put into practice in our daily lives, these simple habits help us make the choice, day after day, to reject fear’s hold and embrace, instead, the immense power and grace within us.” --Ed Bacon

Agenda today:

1. Love plans

2. Be at ease

3. Talk journal on patience

4. Teachable Two's plan

1. Love plans:

The first Love Cycle practice is to set some specific goals for improvement. My big goal for the year is to build emotional resilience, but I set myself four smaller goals for the month:

1. Proaction with committees: Do the work to be prepared, to support and care for the people on my committees.
2. Practice equanimity and co-regulation: Vow to find inner peace and patience, and maintain a composed emotional response, most especially with my grandsons.
3. Grow my emotional resilience: Share myself compassionately and generously in a way that feeds and enlivens me and doesn't deplete me.
4. Practice mindfulness of the present moment
   —of all that’s going on inside and all that’s happening around me; not living on “autopilot.” Observe how I react to everyday events, and how I respond to different emotions.

The next step is to brainstorm small but concrete actions for each of my goals, and put them on my To-Do list. 

2. Be at Ease: 
Each week of the Love Cycle I have a new attitude to practice, and this week it is to lighten up.

“Have you ever been caught in the heavy-duty scenario of feeling defeated and hurt, and then somehow, for no particular reason, you just drop it? It just goes, and you wonder why you made much ado about nothing. What was that all about? I’d like to encourage us all to lighten up, to practice with a lot of gentleness. This compassion, this clarity, this openness are like something we have forgotten. Sitting here being gentle with ourselves, we’re rediscovering something. It’s like a mother reuniting with her child; having been lost to each other for a long, long time, they reunite. The way to reunite with bodhichitta (awakened heart) is to lighten up in your practice and in your life. ~ Pema Chodron 

Ease allows me to find the fun in my relationships - the childlike joy, imagination, and wonder. With a playful attitude, I become more creative and more spontaneous. I become better at solving problems and at releasing judgments.

Ease also simply relieves the tension and returns the blood flow to my brain, so I can make wiser choices. When I am wrapped up in my fear and impatience I am unaware of the tenderness of others. I become self-focused, anxious and angry, and I react without thought. When I am at ease in the moment, I can better notice the details that give me clues about how to respond with love. 

Ease allows me to just BE with a person or a situation as it arises, not reacting, not running, not clinging. If I can only access that soft place inside that allows me to relax, I waste less time with flailing about, and I can avoid the inevitable regret I will have later. Ease allows me to see that “Oh, yes- something bad happened”; no amount of remorse will make it better- I can stop obsessing, release worry, and be loving in the now.

Do this Ease Practice every morning for one week--

• Shake my body all over and release all tension. 
• Touch my heart and soften, loosen. Plant a smile on my face.
• Touch my head and let go of worry, fear, and remorse. 
• “Spirit, may I be at ease, comfortable with what comes in the moment”.

3. Talk journal on patience:

Another month-long practice for my Love Cycle is to keep a daily "Talk Journal" of my conversations and interactions. This first week I am focusing on patience, and the times when I am able to put love first and allow people to be imperfect.

Patience is one expression of love: It’s the calmness I exhibit in the face of waiting, and also the kindness I show to those “difficult people” who don’t listen to reason, who interrupt, who are overly sensitive, or who are so annoying. Patience allows me to let go of my frustration and irritation, and treat these people with skill and gentleness. 

Patience is not easy for me. It requires love and self-control. I need to remember that human needs are not well organized, but they are always more important than my schedule. Patience is powerful; it opens hearts. People feel liberated and calm when I let them know that I am unruffled and in no hurry. My patience is a gift to them, and will allow them to heal and grow.

4. Teachable Two's plan:

The biggest problem I'm having now with my sweet two-year-old grandson is big feelings about autonomy. When he wants to go somewhere or do something, he is very firm in his convictions. He is furious when I need to stop him; it's dangerous and frustrating.

After reading, here is my plan:

1. ALWAYS take a stroller on outings. I am not strong enough to carry him very far, and as a last resort, can strap him in.
2. Be gently authoritative, with very few words: "We need to go home now".
3. Be close enough to reach him if he bolts, rather than use my voice. Scoop him up, or playfully set a limit by gently holding his body to prevent him from running
4. StayListen: Try to receive, understand, and take in every detail of the feelings he is working through, and at the same time, let him know that I'm guarding him. Use touch and eye contact.
5. Name his feelings, and give him security:"You are frustrated, because you want to chase after that doggy, and I won't let you. But I'll keep you safe." 
6. Name my feelings and model regulation: "I'm upset too. I'm going to sit here and take a big breath" - (When I want to feel calm, I just breathe song).
7. Take time- be patient: Keep repeating the problem situation, matter of factly: "You want to chase the doggy, but it's time to go home."
8. Offer a playful choice- "Shall we gallop like a horse, or walk backwards?"