New Bitter Moon

Photo by Alan Gillespie

Tonight is the new moon. This last new moon of the Chinese year is called the Bitter Moon, because we are into the month of the bitterest cold.

The new moon is the start of the lunar cycle, a time of high energy and clear thinking. Historically, the new moon is when women took time to be alone; it's a time to retreat, set intentions, and initiate something new.

1. Retreat Day

2. Read "Perspective"

3. Choose a month theme

4. Set intentions

5. Ongo journal

6. Love cycle

1. Retreat Day:

If at all possible, I schedule a day of retreat on the new moon, or near to it: I do less talking, less business, and more personal thought and action. 

Today I will send my brother home, and settle into a day-long meditative retreat to open my heart.

2. Read "Perspective":

Today I am reading this book by Meridith Elliot Powell, subtitled Reignite, Reinvent, Reframe (2025). This is the work I am dedicating myself to this year.

I'm on Chapter three, The Power of the Past, which explains that the past has shaped me - perhaps with wisdom, and perhaps not. Do I carry my past like a burden, reliving every trauma or mistake and letting them defeat me? Or do I reframe the past and mine it for insights and resources?

So the shift here is from avoiding risk to embracing the strength of learning from the past. I need to stop re-playing my mistakes in my head - and also perhaps the traumas of history - (which only reinforces a negative mindset) and train my brain to look for the growing edge.

"Think of your past as a personal library. Every experience - good, bad, humiliating - is a book on your shelf. ... Because when you're leading in uncertain times, wisdom matters more than wins. And real wisdom can only be gained through failure."

The 3 tips are to 

1. Reflect on what I owned and what I didn't.
2. Identify what was truly in my control.
3. Adjust my behavior going forward.

3. Choose a month theme:

At the new moon I choose a new theme to begin to give attention to. My theme this next 30 days is Receptivity and Love: I will explore what it's like to be the earth, accepting the seed and willing to nurture it. 

Receptivity requires that we be open and available, gentle, loving, and sweet; but it isn't a passive condition - receptivity requires that we do the work to care for what we receive, and have the strength to love without conditions.

Receptivity goals might have to do with improving my loving relationship with my family, or with enriching self-love, or being more openhearted, trusting, and generous. Also, I can use the image of being a fertile earth mother when I am nurturing something new in my life.

My love practices this month:

• Daily Love Cycle reading and work.
• Ongo journal
• New Narrative practice
• Zen Grandmother work
• Make valentines for friends and for the Earth.

4. Set intentions:

I've set some preliminary goals for the next 30 days, and today I'm ready to set some intentions for action. I've written just two intentions, the ones I might act on today, and will write more later.

I intend to find inner peace and creative perspective - Be a Zen Grandma - with my Love Cycle, Ongo study and journal, "New Narrative" practice, and an in-the-moment practice of breathing and re-framing, because breaking free from the quagmire of reactivity, anger, self-protection, and irritation with my loved ones will build bridges of trust and ties of love that will be my strength for the next decades.

 

I intend to create oasis's of calm in my home with an ordering of my belongings and by finishing the finishing touches (finish butterflies, paint bedroom windows, paint a rainbow around the back door, kitchen sink and counter, kitchen trim, and get a new futon) - finding a balance of order and natural chaos, because we deserve to live in a home that is a peaceful, beautiful sanctuary.

 

5. Ongo journal:

I'm going back through this book by Catherine Madden and Jesse Weiss Chu (2022), focussing on the solo practices. The solo practices are meant to be done 5 days a week - 3 practices alternating with 2 "Rememberings", to allow you to go deep.

Day 1 this week is To-Be List. "...when we 'do' from a place of being connected to the energy of our Needs, our words and actions come alive with a sense of depth and meaning..."

Practice:

1. Settle in to the energy of my body and breathe for a few minutes, then look at my "to-do" list for the day.
2. Look at the Needs list and consider what energy I would like to come from and what Needs I'd like to have expressed through my actions. 
3. Make a "To Be" list next to each item on my To Do list.

6. Love cycle:
Years ago I wrote this month-long meditation on love, with a daily reading and work. Day 1 is Why Love?

Love is the key to happiness and success in all areas. Life is lived in relationship- in community- and no matter how brilliant and effective I am, I will struggle if I have poor relationships with the people in my life. Love is also a frame for my bond with the earth, with Spirit, and with myself.

Love is a practice, not a belief or feeling. It’s a set of habits learned over a lifetime: Listening, giving, speaking and acting in a loving way. It’s a way of being, with my attention on compassion, patience, generosity, kindness, and understanding. This 30-day love cycle will help me to cultivate and improve the habits that allow me to keep love central in my life, and in my everyday interactions.

Inner Work: List 4 specific goals for improvement this month- could be a change in attitude, a person I want to show more love to, a habit I want to improve, or a service to share. Brainstorm small but concrete actions for each of my goals, and put them on my To-Do list.

1. Patience with people who push my boundaries.
2. Committee and service integrity
3. Self care
4. Generous love

7. Be at ease:

Part of the cycle is a week long focus on one of four Buddhist tenets, and this week it is Ease.

I won’t find enlightenment by effort alone- it comes only when I can be at ease and clear. Ease allows me to lighten up and find the fun in my relationships- the childlike joy, imagination, and wonder. With a playful attitude, I become more creative and more spontaneous. I become better at solving problems and at releasing judgments.

Ease also simply relieves the tension and returns the blood flow to my brain, so I can make wiser choices. When I am wrapped up in my fear and impatience I am unaware of the tenderness of others. I become self-focused, anxious and angry, and I react without thought. When I am at ease in the moment, I can better notice the details that give me clues about how to respond with love. Ease allows me to just BE with a person or a situation as it arises, not reacting, not running, not clinging. If I can only access that soft place inside that allows me to relax, I waste less time with flailing about, and I can avoid the inevitable regret I will have later. Ease allows me to see that “Oh, yes- something bad happened; it is what it is”; no amount of remorse will make it better- I can stop obsessing, release worry, and be loving in the now.

“Have you ever been caught in the heavy-duty scenario of feeling defeated and hurt, and then somehow, for no particular reason, you just drop it? It just goes, and you wonder why you made much ado about nothing. What was that all about? I’d like to encourage us all to lighten up, to practice with a lot of gentleness. This compassion, this clarity, this openness are like something we have forgotten. Sitting here being gentle with ourselves, we’re rediscovering something. It’s like a mother reuniting with her child; having been lost to each other for a long, long time, they reunite. The way to reunite with bodhichitta (awakened heart) is to lighten up in your practice and in your life." ~ Pema Chodron

 

Do this Ease Practice every morning for one week--

Shake my body all over and release all tension.
Touch my heart and soften, loosen.
Touch my head and let go of worry, fear, and remorse.“Spirit, may I be at ease, comfortable with what comes in the moment”.