Days of Shock

My family has had a big shock and we are each responding true to form. For me that means drawing in, getting sad, analyzing, and planning what to do. Before I go into full on problem-solving mode, I'll take some time to be receptive and reflective. 

During this time of the waning moon, the moon's energy changes, and we move gradually into the yin phase - slow down, go within, and focus on inner work. I back off a bit on actively pursuing my goals, and allow the ease of being a loving, thoughtful person to carry me towards my dreams.

The waning gibbous moon is a time to practice the work of intentional Being, rather than Doing. When I slow down I can see what my hard work has produced in the world and in myself, and I have the leisure to notice, absorb, expand, and just BE.

Agenda:

1. Read "Comfortable with Uncertainty"
2. Love meditation

3. Monthly receptivity practices

4. How to live with a stoic person

5. Caregiving 101

1. Read "Comfortable with Uncertainty":

I'm looking again at "Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion", by Pema Chödrön (2002). The last time my world fell apart this book caught me and saved me.

It starts: "On the journey of the warrior-bodhisattva, the path goes down, not up ... Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures, we move toward turbulence and doubt however we can. We explore the reality and unpredictability of insecurity and pain, and we try not to push it away."

"Right down there in the thick of things we discover the love that will not die. This love is bodhichitta. ... The awakened heart of bodhichitta is the basic goodness of all beings."

2. Love meditation:

Last month I began this I set of practices that brings me to love and receptivity every month after the full moon, in the quiet-energy yin time of the waning moon.

The Buddhist term bodhicitta means "completely open heart and mind". Developing bodhicitta is a journey: You move toward a flexible way of thinking and feeling, releasing fear and a need for security, and embracing the possibility of love.

During the waning moon, I practice this Love Meditation to help open a door to bodhichitta. Set the mood: Light a candle and dim the lights.

1. 1 minute - Relax your body, and focus on the tender emotion of generous love. Allow a smile to settle on your face and in your heart.
2. 1 minute - Visualize love as soft, tingly, warm, pink light, and see it move from your heart to every part of your body so that every cell is glowing and vibrating.
3. 1 minute - Now see the pink light of love radiating to fill the whole room, then the whole city, and the whole planet earth.
4. 1 minute - See that all people, plants, and animals feel warm and happy.
5. 1 minute - Send an extra dose of love light to those people you want to have a better connection to.

3. Monthly receptivity practice:

My plan is to take this one-day-at-a-time each month:

Day 1: Practice a love meditation, and open to receive blessings - send a prayer to the universe asking to be showered with love, kindness, health, and happiness.

Day 2: Practice a love meditation, and end by feeling and expressing gratitude - send a prayer to the universe of thanksgiving for all I have in my life. When I remember to feel grateful for my blessings, my days take on a different tone: I have more vigor, optimism, compassion, and peace. By noticing how I am blessed, my impatience decreases and I realize how satisfied and fulfilled I really am.

Day 3: Practice a love meditation, and then journal about generosity with time and attention - start with ideas for being generous with myself, then my family, my neighborhood, community, and the earth. I might decide to give money or a gift, or simple acts of helping and sharing my time. (Even though my world has been narrowed by crisis, I can still find small ways to be outwardly generous.) 

This month's plan:

1. A day for self-care, a haircut, and no social commitments.
2. Take over the responsibility for cooking most meals.
3. Offer short periods of extra weekend childcare while we can.
4. Outline a plan for autumn wildlife care.

When I'm motivated by the desire to give, just the intention to offer my help, and my willingness to listen, will begin to lessen suffering in the world.

4. How to live with a stoic person:

Part of my dilemma is the different approach to catastrophe that my spouse and I have. I would call him a natural stoic: He has more self-control than I have, and seems detached from the reality of the full disaster. He wants to joke and make light of the situation.

I found advice at the Stoic Simple website:

"Understanding and navigating this trait in a partner requires empathy, clear communication, and patience. Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that stoicism doesn’t equate to a lack of feeling. Stoic individuals experience emotions just as deeply but may not express them in conventional ways. This understanding helps in approaching them without misinterpretations or undue frustration."

Some tips:

• Empathize and acknowledging that his emotional processing differs from mine. 
• Engage in open, honest dialogue about feelings and needs. 
• Avoid assumptions about his feelings; encourage him to share in a comfortable and non-confrontational manner. 
• Patience plays a significant role in these dynamics. 
• Lastly, self-care is vital. Navigating a relationship with a stoic individual can sometimes be taxing emotionally. Ensure you’re taking care of your emotional well-being, seeking support when needed.

5. Caregiving 101:

I'm not a natural, but I can learn.

Good, reliable caregiver support is crucial to the physical and emotional well-being of people with cancer.

Caregivers who are realistic, but positive; careful, but creative; and focused, but flexible are sources of strength and security for people with cancer.

He will face many new challenges; I can help him deal with these challenges and understand and manage any problems that come up.

I can manage simple things like paperwork and medications, and take over household things like bills, so he can focus on healing.