Tuesday for Equanimity

Tuesday is my day to look at my social and emotional self, make an effort to shift my perspectives around how I view and treat the people in my life, and get ready for a week of fun activities with my grandsons.

Agenda:

1. Read "Tiny Habits"

2. Explore behaviors for equanimity

2. Beginning script for equanimity

4. New narrative for equanimity

1. Read "Tiny Habits":

I'm reading this book by BJ Fogg (2020), with the subtitle of "The Small Changes That Change Everything". This is the scripting process introduced in Sweet Spot, expanded on.

Some areas I'd like to write scripts for:

• Equanimity, vulnerability, listening
• Order, simplifying
• Drink water/ Beingness
• Creativity and finishing projects
• Preparedness (for camps, etc.)

Chapter Two is Motivation; Focus on Matching. The gist is that motivation is unreliable and not the "true engine of behavior change". Ways to outsmart motivation:

1. Clarify my aspirations - write down exactly what I want.
2. Brainstorm behavior options, including habits to build or quit, and one-time actions.
3. Match myself with the best behavior options.

Aspirations are abstract desires. I want to "have equanimity"; "be prepared"; and "create order". When I write an aspiration, I need to be sure to write exactly what I want: I want to stop reacting aggressively to what people say, and start responding calmly and thoughtfully; I want to intentionally lean in and address the comment directly, from a calm and courageous place. I want to stand up to injustice, and speak truth in a grounded pro-active way.

 

The next step is to explore behavior options...

 2. Explore behaviors for equanimity:

Respond calmly by: 

• Disengaging from the argument. The goal of a provocative comment is often to manipulate your emotions. By refusing to take the bait, you protect your peace and deny the provocateur the reaction they seek.
• Pausing and reflecting: Take a slow, deep breath to regulate your nervous system and prevent an impulsive emotional reaction. Use Silence: Let a moment of uncomfortable silence sit. Stare at the speaker neutrally—the silence often forces them to reflect on their own words.
• Seeking Clarification: Ask, "What do you mean by that?" or "Why do you say that?" This puts the spotlight on the speaker and forces them to defend their inappropriate comment without you getting defensive.
• Acknowledge neutrally: Reply with simple, non-committal phrases like "Okay," "Interesting perspective," or "Thanks for sharing." This dismisses the provocation without inviting debate.
• Naming the behavior: If you need to set a firm boundary, calmly state, "I don't engage in conversations that feel disrespectful."

3. Beginning script for equanimity:

When I am provoked and I feel my jaw tighten, I will:

1. Take a slow, deep breath to regulate my nervous system and prevent an impulsive emotional reaction. 
2. Use Silence: Stare at the speaker neutrally.
3. Acknowledge: Reply with simple, non-committal phrases like "Okay," "Interesting perspective," or "Thanks for sharing." This dismisses the provocation without inviting debate.

4. New narrative for equanimity:

One of my weekly Creative Perspective tasks is to define a new narrative, today for the habit of equanimity.

When I am provoked I will take a deep breath, stare neutrally, and reply, "Okay - interesting - thanks for sharing".