Tuesday Listening

Tuesday is my day to look at my social and emotional self, make an effort to shift my perspectives around how I view and treat the people in my life, and get ready for a week of fun activities with my grandsons.

Agenda:

1. Read "Tiny Habits"

2. Choose behaviors for equanimity

3. New narrative for equanimity

1. Read "Tiny Habits":

I'm reading this book by BJ Fogg (2020), with the subtitle of "The Small Changes That Change Everything". This is the scripting process introduced in Sweet Spot, expanded on.

Some areas I'd like to write scripts for:

• Equanimity, vulnerability, listening
• Order, simplifying
• Drink water/ Beingness
• Creativity and finishing projects
• Preparedness (for camps, etc.)

Chapter Two is Motivation; Focus on Matching. The gist is that motivation is unreliable and not the "true engine of behavior change". Ways to outsmart motivation:

1. Clarify my aspirations - write down exactly what I want.
2. Brainstorm behavior options, including habits to build or quit, and one-time actions.
3. Match myself with the best behavior options.

Behavior matching is an important step. The best behavior for ME is: something effective in realizing my aspiration; something I WANT to do; and something I CAN do. Steps:

1. First, look at all the possible behaviors just considering their effectiveness - will they get me to my aspiration?  
2. Second, sort out the behaviors that will be easy to get myself to do - things I want to do it, and are easy for me to do. Choose the behaviors I won't need extra motivation for, and which will fit easily into my life.

Choose a handful of behaviors - some one-time changes, and some habits to build.

 2. Choose behaviors for equanimity:

So, with this all in mind, what can I do to reach equanimity? I've tried a lot of things, but they never seem to stick - I almost always revert to getting tense and angry.

My aspiration is to practice equanimity with my family, friends and community, and act in peace, staying calm and patient with people and problems, not obsessed with any thought, not acting in anger or aggression.

The best behaviors for me are:

• Take a deep breath, and stay silent. (I can do this!) 
• Check my tension level - smile! 
• Respond neutrally. Deny the provocateur the reaction they seek. If I must say something say, "Hmmmm."
• If I am really tense, leave the room.

3. New narrative for equanimity:

One of my weekly Creative Perspective tasks is to define a new narrative, today for the habit of equanimity.

When I am provoked I will take a deep breath, smile, and reply, "Hmmmmm".