First Quarter Moon of July

Tuesday is my day to look at my social and emotional self, and make an effort to shift my perspectives around how I view and treat the people in my life.

And tonight is also the First Quarter Moon; we are one-quarter of the way through the moon cycle. The moon is waxing - getting larger - until it's full again. Now is the time to remain flexible, use my obstacles as fuel for growth, and show full effort for priorities. The First Quarter is yang, a time to take decisive and smart action on my intentions; during the yin of the crescent moon, I got clarity and made a plans - now it is time to act on those plans. 

I use this July quarter moon's energy to discern my Truth and then act on it; this requires some discipline.

Agenda: 

1. Read "How to Deal with Anger"

2. Review my purpose

3. Review my priorities

4. Discern a way forward

5. Depth of purpose rituals

6. Make a full effort plan

1. Read "How to Deal with Anger":

I'm reading this book by Isabel Clarke (2016) that I got at Powells, because after my last explosion I decided I won't reach equanimity without managing my anger. Part 1 is Support, and Chapter 2 is The anger trap, about how anger gets a grip, and my body and feelings take over. 

I experienced a lot of emotional threat and belittlement as a child, and I have a lot of emotional mind memory that haunts me now. She points out that anger might have worked for me as a child (my anger showed up as crying, which usually did work to get me what I needed). It's hard for me to let go of that watchful, self-protective, ready-to-fight way of being, and the buzz of adrenaline that comes after is also addicting. 

When my emotional mind takes over, reasonableness has a hard time acting, but it's good to remember that neither is in complete control - they have overlap, which I can call my Wise Mind. I need to develop it into a Negotiator, to listen both to reason and emotion and make a wise decision. 

That's where Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help, because it's a way to manage my emotions with mindfulness, and balance the two sides: The trick is to see the good in both reason and emotions and work out the wisest way forward.

Last week I began an Anger Journal to keep track of every time I felt miffed, belittled, or angry. It's a good practice, and I want to keep it up! And I want to get more focused on recording any time I got uneasy, or disappointed, or tense, or defensive.

Chapter 3 is Facing reality and commitment to change. After I fill out my diary I can look for patterns of time and situation. Also, I want to be sure to mention what I notice about my body because she says this is the key...

2. Review my purpose:

My purpose right now is to love and serve my family and my community (learning greater equanimity and compassion); lead a simple life of integrity (caring for the earth and speaking truth to power); be a creative force in the world (expressing myself with writing, art, and actions); and celebrate the seasons and the circle.

3. Review my priorities:

The days after the First Quarter Moon are a time for purposeful, focused action, with integrity and discernment. Today is a good time to review my priorities and (looking at this month's intentions) choose the top actions for the next month.

I have lots of things in lots of categories that I do every day, but which of those are priorities now in my life? I only have so much time each day, so I hope to give priority to the activities and people that matter most to me right now. 

My priorities are fluid; they change with the seasons and with my responsibilities. Today I ask myself:

-Which of my priorities have gotten the least attention this last month and why? 

-What seasonal focus and upcoming events are priorities now?

-What are my important responsibilities this month?

-What upcoming activities give me the biggest rewards?

-What would I do this month if I knew I only had 6 months to live?

-What activities best support my beliefs and values?

-Where do my strengths lie?

From my Journal: This next week, since I'm not home, is out of the ordinary. My priorities are to care for my family and community (and especially give attention to anger and equanimity); express myself with writing, speech, and crafts; listen and speak truth (in meetings, worship, and plenaries); and celebrate being a Quaker!

When I get home I will put care for my garden and home in higher priority, my diet, my writing, and our Earthcare group.

After some thought, this is my slate of priorities for the next month: 

• Writing: Climate change and air quality articles
• Garden: Soil improvement, watering, fall starts
• Earth service: Plans for fall events and actions
• Home: Create order, paint the front
• Creative projects: Finish projects (Earth coat, model city, butterflies) + painting explorations
• Health: Improving my diet, and monitoring my impatience

4. Discern a way forward:

Yesterday I found unclarity with 3 things:

Why do I always feel so annoyed and angry?

What will inspire me to make art? 

How will I ever simplify my belongings?

Since my month theme is depth, I'm looking to discern my Truth. Discernment: Think before acting; listen within deeply, and seek clarity; make wise choices, with an open mind.

Discernment is a deep process: It can feel like intuition, or a gut feeling. You might experience it as butterflies, or tingling on the back of the neck, or as a flash that takes the breath away. Some call it a guiding voice, or leading of the spirit. Sometimes it is quiet and subtle, and sometimes loud and clear - a flash of insight, or creative impulse, or sudden clarity, or a leading or itch to act on something you never thought of before.

This week I'm going to work on the first item, my impatience and irritability. I'll make it the focus of my worship and attention.

5. Depth of purpose rituals: 

One of my goals this week is to plan some practices that will anchor everyday actions to my core values. In the case of anger management, almost ALL of my values apply:

• 1. Purpose: Lead the best life I can, and grow into being the best person I can be. 
• 2. Integrity: Be honest and whole, and choose actions and words that align me with my highest self, with that of God within me, and with who I truly am at my. 
• 3. Discernment: Think before acting; listen within deeply, and seek clarity; make wise choices, with an open mind. 
• 4. Peace and Equanimity: Stay calm and patient with people and problems, not obsessed with any thought, and not acting with aggression or anger. 
• 5. Love: Practice habits of listening, generosity, patience, care, and kindness with my community, my family, and the earth. 

So, how do I link all of these to my daily attention to Being, without making them onerous or fraught? Maybe a prayer or  mantra: My purpose is to BE the best person I can, with integrity, peace, love, and unity; think before acting; stay calm and patient with people and problems, not obsessed with any thought; treat every person and creature with respect, patience, kindness, and love.

6. Full effort for equanimity:

Full effort requires attention; you remember your intentions - what it is you want to do and your deepest reasons why - and also notice your emotions, energy, challenges, etc. I'm thinking today about full effort for equanimity.

I've set many intentions for equanimity before, with very little improvement. Today I'm setting a new intention:

I intend to observe and give attention to my state of being in and out of equanimity: I will record whenever I am miffed, defensive, impatient, or angry with my family, friends and community, and savor the times when I act in peace, and stay calm and patient with people and problems, because everyone deserves that basic respect and compassion, and peace generates love, and I want to learn how to manage my anger once and for all.

Here's my plan for micro-habit steps: 

• 5:30 - Review my equanimity intention, my mantra, and my journal entries from the day before. 
• 8:30 - Reminder pings on my phone to give attention to the state of my Being;  record any moments of irritation and savor any moments of calmness. This repeats at 11:30, 2:30, 5:30, and 8:30.