Tuesday

Tuesday is my day to look at my social and emotional self, and make an effort to shift my perspectives around how I view and treat the people in my life.

We are in the Waxing Gibbous moon phase, when I pause to reconsider my intentions, my patterns and approaches, and make adjustments. I will look at the big picture of my life as I practice mindfulness, self-care and trust. It's a time to review and refine, a time to practice Being and trust in the ebb and flow of the universe.

Agenda: 

1. Remember my past and my path

2. Read "How to Deal with Anger"

3. Considering my intentions

1. Remember my past and my path:

I experienced a lot of emotional threat and belittlement as a child, and I have a lot of emotional mind memory that haunts me now. She points out that anger might have worked for me as a child (my anger showed up as crying, which usually did work to get me what I needed). It's hard for me to let go of that watchful, self-protective, ready-to-fight way of being, and the buzz of adrenaline that comes after is also addicting. 

When my emotional mind takes over, reasonableness has a hard time acting, but it's good to remember that neither is in complete control - they have overlap, which I can call my Wise Mind. I need to develop it into a Negotiator, to listen both to reason and emotion and make a wise decision. 

That's where Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help, because it's a way to manage my emotions with mindfulness, and balance the two sides: The trick is to see the good in both reason and emotions and work out the wisest way forward.

I'm keeping an Anger Journal to record every time I feel miffed, uneasy, disappointed, tense, defensive, belittled, or angry. And I want to get more focused on recording what I notice in my body.

2. Read "How to Deal with Anger":

I'm reading this book by Isabel Clarke (2016) that I got at Powells, because after my last explosion I decided I won't reach equanimity without managing my anger. Part 1 is Support, and Chapter 3 is Facing reality and commitment to change. After I fill out my diary I can look for patterns of time and situation. "Anger management is all about you understanding yourself better so that you can take charge..."

Inhibition and disinhibition: We all have some order and some self-imposed limits to when and how we get angry that operate below the level of conscious thinking. What are MY rules? In what situations do I usually restrain myself? How do I feel when I break my rules? What kinds of things release my inhibitions (lack of sleep, hungry, too much noise, demands...) and when I do inhibit my anger, how does it stick around in my body? Do I carry it around as stress, or embitterment?

Journal: I've learned to inhibit my annoyance in the world (put on a smile) but not at home. But if inhibited anger hangs around in my body as stress, how is that affecting my relationships at home?

3. Considering my intentions:

In the Waxing Gibbous moon phase, I pause to reconsider my intentions, my patterns and approaches, and make adjustments.

1. Observe and give attention to my state of being in and out of equanimity: I will record whenever I am miffed, defensive, impatient, or angry with my family, friends and community, and also record. and savor the times when I act in peace, and stay calm and patient.
2. Practice transformative habits: This week, work at inner synergy.
3. Act persistently on my priorities, and finish things I start: This week, paint the front of the house! ECEF endorsement project, and a climate activism article.